Uncle Bernie and Walmart


While it’s a commonly known fact I generally avoid political speeches at all cost, occasionally I get a news alert on my phone alerting me that America’s favorite communist uncle, Bernie Sanders, is holding a rally somewhere. For some reason, a few nights ago, I clicked the link to get a feel for the number of people attending his rally.

Don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely no more interest in listening to an American politician preach the value of government dependency than I do shaving my head with a cheese grader, but I do need material to entertain you with and Uncle Bernie never lets me down.

Now, when it comes to Uncle Bernie himself, I must admit I have an ounce of respect for the guy because he is a man of principal. Uncle Bernie is hopelessly communist, but he does seem sincere in his communist beliefs.

The fact that Bernie is a communist doesn’t bother me, the fact that this communist can draw huge crowds of younger Americas by doing nothing more than lambasting corporations such as Walmart and McDonald’s did concern me, and illustrates how close we are to extinction as a free nation.

Now kids, what uncle Bernie neglects to tell you is Walmart employs 1.4 million American citizens while your uncle Bernie employs maybe 20. Walmart corporation makes an annual profit of about $15 billion per year while your uncle Bernie’s employer, the U.S. Government, runs a $22 trillion deficit.

Uncle Bernie would like for you to believe he cares about you making a living wage, but in reality, uncle Bernie cares about securing donations and endorsements from labor unions whose wages are tied to the federal minimum wage. Uncle Bernie would like for you believe corporations are evil, but it wasn’t Walmart that saddled you with that massive student loan debt.

In reality, kids, it’s none of uncle Bernie’s business what Walmart pays its employees. Corporations are not formed to provide you with a living wage, or to provide your health care coverage. Corporations are formed to make a profit and the Walmart corporation has mastered the art of free market capitalism.

Uncle Bernie would like for you to believe the big corporations are greedy and selfish, but no corporation can match the level of greed of uncle Bernie’s employer. Ask yourself this question, kids: Has the Walmart corporation ever garnished your wages? Who collected your tax payment? Walmart or Uncle Bernie’s employer?

Kids, like it or not, Walmart, McDonald’s, nor your founding fathers, will not destroy America or the American dream, but the massive federal debt of your uncle Bernie’s employer just might.

In the words of the great Margaret Thatcher, “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money.”

While the capitalist of Walmart are flush with cash, your uncle Bernie’s employer is dead broke. Let that sink in before you anoint uncle Bernie as your savior.

Jimmy Parker lives in Erwin. Contact him at jimmyprmg@gmail.com.


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