Make room for Big Gulp Bloomberg

By Jimmy Parker
Posted 11/14/19
Last week, I admitted to the world that on occasion I have voted for cartoon characters when I just absolutely could not stomach the choices I had to select from on my ballot. This particular …

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Make room for Big Gulp Bloomberg

Posted

Last week, I admitted to the world that on occasion I have voted for cartoon characters when I just absolutely could not stomach the choices I had to select from on my ballot. This particular admission led me to get an email from a reader who asked if I had ever thought of voting for Jethro Bodine of “The Beverly Hillbillies.”

Admittedly, I have never voted for Jethro, but for the next election I may consider Jethro. If I were to be left with the option of say Elizabeth Warren or former New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg I would definitely prefer Jethro.

Speaking of Bloomberg, in case you missed it, it looks like the crowded Democratic field of presidential candidates may have to make room for another jewel of a candidate. You guessed it, former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg is prepared to test the waters and announce his intentions to seek the democratic presidential nomination.

For those of you who have forgotten, this new shiny beacon of freedom tried to ban the sale of 32-ounce Big Gulp soda’s throughout New York City in an effort to combat obesity throughout the city.

Had it not been for the state courts jumping in and overturning this idiotic Big Gulp ban, it would be illegal today to purchase a Big Gulp soda in New York City — and this guy wants to be our next president. I can see myself trying to sell this guy on my wife who visits her local Speedway twice per day to purchase a 32-ounce Big Gulp icy drink. Hey dear, let’s cast a vote for Bloomberg, he cares so much about obesity he wants to take away our 32-ounce Big Gulp.

Mike, I got news for you buddy, my wife and I love our Speedway icy drinks and we really don’t believe it’s any of your business if we become obese or not. Mike, if you could only see over your own ego you would understand that, outside your inner circle, you lack the popularity of the local dog catcher and have no chance of becoming president.

Anyone who puts so little value on freedom that he would deprive my poor hard-working wife of a 32-ounce Big Gulp deserves to be ridiculed, and I’m more than happy to do that.

Folks, as we observe Veterans Day this week, lets always be conscious of the fact that our freedom isn’t free. The brave men and women of the American military have fought entirely too hard preserving our freedom for us to simply walk into the voting booth and vote these freedoms away.

Any man who would take away a 32-ounce Big Gulp from my loving wife will certainly never be a friend of mine and isn’t worthy of being elected dog catcher of Burgaw.

I expect you to continue to try and take my guns, but my Big Gulp is where Jethro and I must draw the line.

Jimmy Parker lives in Erwin. Contact him at jimmyprmg@gmail.com.

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